i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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