I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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