Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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