Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
