why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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