Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
