Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We got so high we made milksteak
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
