The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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