At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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