During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
