She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
