im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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