this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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