I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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