Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
