A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
