The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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