I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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