sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
