White coat. Heels.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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