What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
