if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
