Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
