Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
