I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
