i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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