I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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