you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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