it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
