my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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