dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
