this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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