fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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