I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
