We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
