that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
