Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
