oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
