He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
