I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize