i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
