is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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