Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Say something about gay babies.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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