She announced her abortion via fbk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
