I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
