worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
