i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
