he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
