Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
