so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
