guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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