if only i could text you this smell
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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